Take away from Charlottesville

I've been thinking about this for a while, this whole removal of confederate war symbols. With the protests and violence in Charlottesville, it takes two sides to have a fight.

What would happen if the white supremacists, kkk, and neo nazis (please notice I didn't capitalize any of their names because they don't deserve it) had a rally and no opposition showed up and no press coverage was afforded them? The answer is, there would be no violence and the next time there would be fewer participants, then fewer and fewer.

Their movement would eventually die a slow death without the press and counter protests to keep them going because they thrive on the attention. They think that will convince more people they are right if only they get in front of a camera.

DON'T LET THEM HAVE A VOICE!

Ignore them and it will fade away.

Oh, by the way. This also works for protest from the other side as will. Extremists from either side have a right to protest. Let them, just ignore them

Updated 8/16/2017

Look, to have the kind of fighting that went on, you need two groups with opposing views and the willingness to engage in the violence. You had that, the Alt Right and the Alt Left. Both throwing punches and fighting with the other side. Both are to blame. Can't have that kind of violence with only one side.

If I was a better writer, this would be easier...

I'm a Proud Daddy

I'm proud of my Daughter Rose for so many reasons that are too numerous to list here but what I want to talk about today is her career as a chef.

For those who don't know her, she is the personal chef for Al Horford, the Forward/Center of the Atlanta Hawks, and his wife and child. He went free agent and signed with Boston.

Rose had a choice to make, whether to stay here and pass up an opportunity of a lifetime and feel safe a secure or move to Boston for more money and a new life in a new city. She chose the latter.

I couldn't help her with this decision except telling to hold out for the best offer because anything more will show her I will miss her terribly. 

We have lots of history

Rose's Mother and I were divorced when she was only about a year and a half old. Soon after the divorce, I realized my poor decision to not fight for custody so I went for it and at the age of 3 years and 2 months, Rosie came to live with me full time. That was 1976 and we have been together ever since.

When she was in High School she was voted Most Unique. I don't know about you but I don't care about all the other 'Most' titles but to be the Most Unique, how good is that!

Unique describes Rose perfectly. She is one of a kind. Ask any of the hundreds of people she has helped while running a homeless shelter here in Atlanta or any of her many many friends. She also spent a year in South Africa helping with the street kids as part of her affiliation with the shelter here.

While my Mother was going through her health issues that finally led to her death in 2011, Rose was there to take her to appointments and was there with her at the end.

Yes, I will miss her

This is the hard part. I want her to go and experience all that life has to offer because to not to would be selfish. I will miss her and we will go visit every chance we can. I've been to Boston several times but only for business. Maybe she can show us the sites.

I'll miss you Rosie and will always be thinking about you.

Godspeed Rosie, Godspeed...

Master Chef vs. Master Chef Junior

I know, what is the point of this blog talking about a cooking competition show of Fox.

Here is the deal. I was watching the show (Master Chef Junior) last night and I came to a realization that life makes us meaner. These kids did all they could to support each other and help each other. When two of them were eliminated from the competition, the others came to them to give them hugs and words of encouragement.

Now let’s talk about the adult version of the show. The show is totally cut throat. No one help anyone, no one encourages anyone. They all want their competitors to fail and they show it in their actions and their words.

The only difference between the competitors on the two shows is age. The older they are the meaner they are. What is it about life that changes us? It can’t be our parents because the kids had parents too.

I wish someone would figure this out. Just think if we all got along like these kids do, there may just be a chance for us as adults .

Leader of the Band

This is a song by Dan Fogelberg, you probably remember it. It was written about his Dad.

When my Father died on January 11, 2011, I tried to listen to the song but couldn’t. It wasn’t like the song was entirely about my Dad, it isn’t. the last line of the last verse is what I could not listen to, you know the one. “And Papa, I don’t think I said I love you near enough”.

Today I listened to the song for the first time since his death and it had the effect I feared it would have. The tears came, and so did the need to write this.

A little history is in order. First off, I always capitalize Dad, Father, Mom, Mother, or any other term used to refer to my Parents. I do it out of respect, always have and always will. That being said, my relationship with my Dad wasn’t ideal by any means. Growing up I was a jerky little kid who became more and more independent with each passing year. I wasn’t a child who deserved my Father’s name. I’m sure he wished I would just do what I was told and behaved. We were never huggers either. We were hand shakers and ‘I love you’ was never said at least I can’t remember it ever being said.

After high school my Mom, Dad, and Sister moved from Tampa to Illinois and I stayed in Tampa with my Grandmother and went to my only year of college. I couldn’t wait for more independence. Unfortunately, that independence only lasted that one year because 6 hours credit for the entire year was not going to satisfy my Dad or the draft board.

I moved to Illinois and moved into my Parents house once again and my Dad got me a job at the company he worked for. Almost got fired but instead got moved to another building the company had. I did pretty well there but it only lasted for a few months because in 1968 if you were healthy and not in school, the draft board would be calling and they did. I avoided the draft by enlisting in the Air Force.

I spent nearly 10 years in the Air Force and since I was the only one of my generation in my family to serve in the military, my Dad gained a little respect for me since he and most of the greatest generation were veterans.

After I discharged from the service, my Daughter and I moved to the Atlanta area where my Parents were living. I figured they could help me get started as a civilian again and I could help them if they needed anything. That was in October of 1978 and I’ve been here ever since.

As time passed and my Mom and Dad got older I watch my Dad go into several surgeries most of which were serious. I wanted to tell him I loved him but never could say the words. He had stroke in 2001 while in Washington DC for the christening of a Navy ship that bore the name of the ship he was on in WWII.

He was never the same after that. He could only say one word clearly. ‘Bullshit’ was used a lot from then on. My Mom took care of him for a few years after that until we moved him to an assisted living home. We had to trick him into going and I don’t think he ever forgave us for that. He always wanted to go home.

I went to see him just before he died and made my peace with him, and yes, I told him I loved him. I don’t think he understood me or even heard me but that was ok, I said it and was glad I did.

October 4th is his birthday. This year he would have been 94.

So back to the song ‘Leader of the Band’, he was the leader of our band, not a musical band but our family and Papa, I don’t think I said I love you near enough.

The Crooked Mouth Story Exposed!

What I always thought

My Dad had been telling this story for as long as I can remember. It would always involve the end of a big meal with lots of family around and it had to be dark, except for the lit candle of course. Since his stroke in 2001 and his passing in 2011, I have not heard the story told.

The family in my Dad’s version of the story always involved 4 family members and a handyman. I found a couple of versions online one of which involved a family member who went to college and his mouth was straight which makes no sense to me because it’s about a family of crooked mouth people. The other version involved a police officer who happened by just when they needed him. This one didn’t make sense to me so I’m going to stick with my Dad’s version.

Now for the story (names changed to protest the innocent)

Once upon a time there was a family called Crooked Mouth. They got their odd name because all the family members had crooked mouths. Pa Pa’s mouth was crooked off to the right. Ma Ma’s mouth was crooked off to the left. Their oldest child was a boy named Billy. Billy’s mouth was crooked in the down direction. The youngest child was a girl named Jane. Jane’s mouth was crooked in the up direction. They also had a Handyman who lived with them named George.

One night there was a fierce storm and all the electricity was out so the Crooked Mouths lit a candle so they could see. When it got to be bed time, they decided to blow out the candle and go to bed.

Pa Pa blew at the candle but all his efforts missed to the right of the flame. Ma Ma said to Pa Pa, “Move over and let me do it!”. She tried and tried but she missed to the left. Billy was the next to try bragging that he could do it. He couldn’t missing below the flame. Jane thought she would try but she missed high. Just when they were about to give up all hope of ever extinguishing the flame, George, who had been watching in amusement, stepped in front of the lit candle, licked his thumb and fore finger, and pinched out the flame.

The moral of the story is …. Could be several. Could be always lick your fingers before touching a candle flame. I like there is more than one way to accomplish a goal.

I Remember 20 Years Ago Today I Remembered 20 Years Ago

I remember it like it was yesterday that day 20 years ago. We had lunch at Tanner’s in Snellville. The ‘20 Years Ago Today’ line always made me think of the Beatles Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band album. That line is in my head today like it was twenty years ago when she turned 20.

The she I am referring to is my daughter Rose. Rosalie Athalie Bigelow to be exact. Her middle name was my mother’s name. Her first name was chosen by her Mom who wanted her named after a rose bush we had. This rose bush was something special. I was in the Air Force when Rose was born and her mom and I lived in a trailer in Tucson, AZ. Trying to grow anything outside in Tucson is difficult let alone a rose bush but this one seemed to like it there. It was vandalized by a neighbor with an axe but even after being split in half, it kept blooming. It was because of it’s strength that Rose’s mom wanted Rose named after it. Rose is as strong as that rose bush.

I’m not going to go through Rosie’s entire life story. First of she would probably shoot me if I did but there just isn’t enough room in this blog to do that. I could write for weeks and not cover it all. I will cover some things though.

Early Years

I got custody of Rose a year or so after my divorce from Rose’s mom and after I got out of the Air Force, we moved to the Atlanta area. That was 1978 and we’ve been here ever since.

I remember getting Rose her first pair of glasses. I had noticed her squinting so I had her eyes checked and she needed glasses really bad. I wait way too long. So long in fact that when we got home that evening after getting her glasses she got out of the car and looked up at the night sky and stood there for several minutes and finally declared “Look at all the stars!”.  I can laugh about it now but I was mad at my self then for waiting so long.

In High School Rose was voted ‘Most Unique’. I can’t think of a more fitting honor for anyone of any age to be called. She is unique always has been, always will be.

Growing up and adult life

Rose always seemed to work. She got a job at the age of 15 at Po Folks waiting table and being a hostess. She was very good at both, She worked at Embers Seafood and Grill in Sandy Springs as a Hostess and exceled. While she worked there she sometimes had to fill in for the Chef and it was there she found her love for cooking. More on that later.

Rose worked in the corporate world for a period of time. She had a higher calling. She wanted to care for the homeless. She ran a homeless shelter in Atlanta that catered to the Family and worked to get people out the shelter and back to work. I remember Christmas parties at the shelter and the total respect that Rose was shown by the residents of the shelter. They loved her and she loved all of them.

The shelter is closed now but there are some people still around that Rosie still takes care of as she has moved on to her next endeavor, catering.

She is a very good cook and she cooks for lots of people. She likes to smoke large sums of meat. She is just getting this part of her career started but I have no doubt she will do well.

To Sum This All Up

It was 20 years ago today that I said it was 20 years ago today that Rosie came into my life and I thank God she did. She is my hero, and I am totally amazed at the shear number of lives she has touch in her short life. Thank you Rosie and Happy Birthday Sweetie!

Let's talk about courage

This is a true story about courage, not mine but someone else's. I won't mention his name because I haven't cleared this with him.

The story starts way back when we were just kids. We had fun as kids, we played together whenever we were together. As we got older we kind of drifted apart. Our lives took different paths. He went to college and I chose the military. Keep in mind that this was the late 60s and early 70s, that's right, the Vietnam War. His philosophy was much more liberal than mine. I was somewhat scary conservative even back then. We didn't see each other for years at a time.

When I got out of the military, I moved to the Atlanta area and he was living in New York. He was married with two kids and I was divorced with custody of my daughter. I immediately found a job and went to work. I wasn't aware what he was up to until one day he and his family showed up on their way to finding a new place to live. They spent a couple of days and I showed them around the area. Then they left to continue their quest to find a new home.

Something happened to them as they were driving but I didn't hear about it for a few days when he called to say they turned around and decided to move here. I was thrilled to have them nearby. As time went by, they had a third child and things seemed good. But maybe not so. There were marriage issues that I will not go into that resulted in a divorce. He got married again to a woman who would be the love of his life who had to little girls of her own so now their blended family formed bonds and friendships that would endure anything.

Two things played big roles in his life. They were music and religion. Let's look at the music for a minute. He played the guitar and banjo. His kids played guitar, banjo, violin, harmonica and God knows what else. Between all of them, they can play anything. They are a talented bunch I got to tell you.

Now let's talk about religion. I don't know when religion came into his life but I'm glad it did because it gave him a sense of purpose and being. He and his family gave so much of themselves and touched so many lives.

I can tell you who I am writing about now because my cousin Scott died of cancer last Saturday with his wife and children by his side.  He had a rare courage because even though he was in awful pain, every time we saw him, he would ask how we were doing. He was my lifelong friend, wonderful father, remarkable human being, and I will miss him until I see him again.